Singles and parents of singles on the site are now able to recommend Shadchanim that they were happy to work with.
After logging onto the site, choose the last link: "Browse and Recommend a partial list of Shadchanim".
On that page on the left side by every Shadchan you will see a number indicating the amount of singles that have recommended that Shadchan or no number if the amount is 0. To the right of that column is a checkbox. Check the box beside any Shadchan you wish to recommend.
This process will help singles know which Shadchanim are most recommended, when choosing which Shadchan to contact.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Chanuka Chagiga for Single Girls 23+
Meetmymatch.org is presenting a Chanuka Chagiga this Tuesday, December 15th for single girls 23+ in Crown Heights.
Time: 8:30 PM
Location: 820 Eastern Pkwy Bell #3
To RSVP or for more info: Rochie rochie@meetmymatch.org or Chaya chayalight1234@gmail.com
Time: 8:30 PM
Location: 820 Eastern Pkwy Bell #3
To RSVP or for more info: Rochie rochie@meetmymatch.org or Chaya chayalight1234@gmail.com
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
How You Feel? By Rabbi Kass
Dear Dater,
Dating is complicated and likely stressful. Especially when you consider all the details you must gather when evaluating your potential mate. Typically, after each date "details" are needed to present to your parents and the Shadchan. For example: Where does she want to live, is he/she in debt, or how does he plan to earn a living, etc.
This information is essential. However, the pressure to get huge amounts of “details about your date” can lead to stress and prevent you from being your true “best self” during the date.
Know that gathering details is insufficient. You need to also acquire information about how “you feel” when with this person to make the all important decision—to marry him or her, or not.
A prerequisite for acquiring this “emotional information (how you feel)” is that you are relaxed when you are with your date. To do this you must limit the amount of details and balance it with “just being present.” When relaxed, you can get a feeling about what it is really like when together. And isn’t that what being married all about, being together?
You gather this “emotional data” during the moments of interaction between yourself and your date. During these interactions you observe key bits of information about how you feel, based on how you are treated.
Your awareness of how you feel, how you are treated, and how together you interact provides “emotional information” and becomes a critical part of the “data collection.” Feelings determine for most married individuals what life is like as a couple. Thus, how you feel when you are on your date is of paramount importance.
Consider during and after your date:
1. When I talk does he/she interrupt? If yes, you will feel unimportant.
2. Does he/she seem genuinely interested in what I have to say, or does he/she just go on and on talking about himself/herself? If he/she self-promotes, you will feel marginalized and discarded.
3. If you are a boy, does your date seem genuinely concerned with knowing what you want? If no, when married you could feel unloved.
4. If you are a girl, does your date seem to want to make sure you are comfortable and cared for during the time you are together? If no, when married you could feel unloved.
5. Is your date organized? Is he/she ready on time, put together in a clean and fishable way, and willingly follows through with arranged plans? If no, when married you may be irritated and find it hard to be attracted to your partner.
6. How do you feel when spending time together? Does the time go quickly or does it drag-out? If it “drags,” it may be a sign that the “chemistry” is lacking.
Ask yourself: If he or she was the same gender as me and was in one of my classes at school, would I enjoy being with him or her? Would I look forward to speaking on the phone at night? Would I enjoy going on a trip with him or her? The answer to these and similar questions provide important information about what it would be like being married to him or her—whether for a day, a week, a year or a lifetime.
Marriage should be fun and enjoyable. This is necessary for bonding to take place leading to an industrial strength commitment needed for the long road of life.
Complexities and stresses are a natural part of dating. However, they can be reduced when you recognize the value of just 'hanging' with your future partner and then evaluating how you feel/felt. Emotional information, “how you feel”, needs to be an essential part of the decision making process.
Hatzlacha Raba,
Rabbi Kass
Rabbi Avrohom Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is a registered Social Worker, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. He is a member of Ontario College of Social Workers, the Ontario and American Associations for Marriage and Family Therapy, and the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists. Currently Rabbi Kass operates a successful private practice in personal, couple, and family therapy and can be reached at abe@WisdomScientific.com.
Dating is complicated and likely stressful. Especially when you consider all the details you must gather when evaluating your potential mate. Typically, after each date "details" are needed to present to your parents and the Shadchan. For example: Where does she want to live, is he/she in debt, or how does he plan to earn a living, etc.
This information is essential. However, the pressure to get huge amounts of “details about your date” can lead to stress and prevent you from being your true “best self” during the date.
Know that gathering details is insufficient. You need to also acquire information about how “you feel” when with this person to make the all important decision—to marry him or her, or not.
A prerequisite for acquiring this “emotional information (how you feel)” is that you are relaxed when you are with your date. To do this you must limit the amount of details and balance it with “just being present.” When relaxed, you can get a feeling about what it is really like when together. And isn’t that what being married all about, being together?
You gather this “emotional data” during the moments of interaction between yourself and your date. During these interactions you observe key bits of information about how you feel, based on how you are treated.
Your awareness of how you feel, how you are treated, and how together you interact provides “emotional information” and becomes a critical part of the “data collection.” Feelings determine for most married individuals what life is like as a couple. Thus, how you feel when you are on your date is of paramount importance.
Consider during and after your date:
1. When I talk does he/she interrupt? If yes, you will feel unimportant.
2. Does he/she seem genuinely interested in what I have to say, or does he/she just go on and on talking about himself/herself? If he/she self-promotes, you will feel marginalized and discarded.
3. If you are a boy, does your date seem genuinely concerned with knowing what you want? If no, when married you could feel unloved.
4. If you are a girl, does your date seem to want to make sure you are comfortable and cared for during the time you are together? If no, when married you could feel unloved.
5. Is your date organized? Is he/she ready on time, put together in a clean and fishable way, and willingly follows through with arranged plans? If no, when married you may be irritated and find it hard to be attracted to your partner.
6. How do you feel when spending time together? Does the time go quickly or does it drag-out? If it “drags,” it may be a sign that the “chemistry” is lacking.
Ask yourself: If he or she was the same gender as me and was in one of my classes at school, would I enjoy being with him or her? Would I look forward to speaking on the phone at night? Would I enjoy going on a trip with him or her? The answer to these and similar questions provide important information about what it would be like being married to him or her—whether for a day, a week, a year or a lifetime.
Marriage should be fun and enjoyable. This is necessary for bonding to take place leading to an industrial strength commitment needed for the long road of life.
Complexities and stresses are a natural part of dating. However, they can be reduced when you recognize the value of just 'hanging' with your future partner and then evaluating how you feel/felt. Emotional information, “how you feel”, needs to be an essential part of the decision making process.
Hatzlacha Raba,
Rabbi Kass
Rabbi Avrohom Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is a registered Social Worker, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. He is a member of Ontario College of Social Workers, the Ontario and American Associations for Marriage and Family Therapy, and the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists. Currently Rabbi Kass operates a successful private practice in personal, couple, and family therapy and can be reached at abe@WisdomScientific.com.
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