Saturday, November 14, 2009

Double Mazal Tov!

A double Mazal Tov goes to Sara Shollar, who successfully arranged two shidduchim in only two weeks for Chabadmatch singles!!

New Shadchan from London

We are pleased to welcome Yael Levy as a new Shadchan on the site.

Here is her intro:

"My name is Yael Levy (nee Slutzkin) originally from JHB South Africa, now Living in London. My husband and I are very involved in the Chabad House and young community of North West London. I got involved in Shidduchim at first because of friends and children of friends. I now work with a wide range of singles, young; older; baal teshuva; ffb's and non chabad / chabad friendly. I am alsocurrently a shadchan on sawyouatsinai.com."

Welcome to the site, we wish you success!

Consider who you are talking to.

Article Quoted from http://shidduchim101.blogspot.com:

When doing research, consider who you are talking to.

If you are talking to a close friend of yours who also knows the other side, then you are on more even ground, as you know what their standards are and how they judge, and you can put the answers in a proper prospective.

If you do not know the person you are calling for information, be careful what weight you put on the answers. If something you hear is raising a flag, ask specific questions to clarify what you are hearing, you may have misunderstood or the person at the other end meant something different. It is much easier to clarify things right away, rather that later. Also, do not automatically say no. Do further research on that one point until you are very sure that the facts are true, and it is something undesirable to you.

Some other possible questions: What is their connection to the Rebbe? What part does the Rebbe play in their lives? (this is not a “meshichist” or “anti” question). Are the parents hands on parents or more laissez faire. Was there sholom bayis in their home? Do they have a lot of emotional baggage? Is she open-minded? ( what does open minded mean to you?) Is the family open-minded? Are they straightforward and honest, or is there a hidden agenda, and you don’t really know their intentions? Are they open to change, or do they dread it? How do they act with strangers: are they respectful with all kinds of people, janitors, cleaning ladies, shopkeepers, kids, secretaries yidden and goyim etc.? Are they a ‘good listener’? Are they always thinking of the next project, or do they take time to really give you their whole attention? Do they set attainable goals or just castles in the sky? Do they go with the flow, or do they know where they are going? Do they have a mashpia? Do they follow advice or prefer their own counsel? What is their conversation like? Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Centuries ago, Machiavelli (Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli born in 1469 and diplomat and adviser to the Medici family, known for his work “The Prince” and Discourses on Livy) noted in “The Prince”: “The great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by things that seem, than by those that are.” Or as Rabbi Yehudah HaNossi (the prince) used to say: “Al tistakel b’kankan elah b’ma sheyeysh bo.” Don’t look at the flask, but at its contents.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Lubavitch.com feature on Chabadmatch

ChabadMatch.com boasts 800 active members and 23 weddings in about 24 months.

Creators, Ester and Moshe Raichman realized that many of their single friends weren't getting dates. She from Sao Paolo and he from Houston, they live in Jerusalem and understand the complications of a global dating scene.

By Dvora Lakein, lubavitch.com

When Fiddler on the Roof made its 1964 debut under the bright white lights of Broadway, theater-goers and reviewers hailed it as a period piece with rich nostalgic value, but little relevance to contemporary society.

Much has changed since the Tony-award winning musical first opened its doors, and today, many people are looking at one particular aspect of shtetl life with new interest.

Yenta is getting a face-lift.

With grumbles about a dating crisis reverberating throughout the various segments of normative Judaism, singles and parents are turning to matchmakers with a vengeance. And they are responding with an increasingly high-tech presence reflecting changing social needs.

ChabadMatch.com, a grassroots matchmaking site, boasts 800 active Chabad members and 23 weddings in about 24 months—since the site was launched. Creators, Ester and Moshe Raichman realized that many of their single friends were having a hard time getting dates. The couple, she is from Sao Paolo and he hails from Houston, lives in Jerusalem and understands the complications of a global dating scene.

"Unlike many other religious communities,” explains Raichman during a matchmaking workshop at the International Conference of Shluchos, “the Chabad community is spread out over six continents. Previously, matchmakers were limited to singles that they knew,” clearly limiting their base. “Now, the site’s 50 matchmakers can match singles all over the world, based on many different variables.” Raichman stresses that ChabadMatch offers, “the same old recipe of a shadchan, parent, and single, with a new twist: the internet.”

Tzirel Frankel, a matchmaker on the site, made her first match by accident. Since then, the Los Angeles mother who has married off three of her own children has paired up many happy couples. Beyond the initial introduction, Frankel “works as a counselor, mentor, and guide. When I am setting up a couple, I feel like they are my own kids.”

Frankel believes that the site provides a necessary service to so many in the broader Chabad community. “There are many families where the parents or the singles themselves have recently become religious,” she explains, and are new to the approach and focus that dating takes in an observant environment.“

A lot of people were frustrated that there was no easy, systemized approach to dating,” says Illana Bergovoy, cofounder of the Chicago Shidduch Group. “We had hit a bottleneck.”

The Chicago Shidduch Group operates in conjunction with partner organizations in 25 cities around the world. Participating mothers, fathers, and matchmakers apply a two pronged approach to making matches. Members share profiles on international teleconferences and participate in weekly gatherings of prayer, charity, and study. “We are friends helping friends. I pray for my friends’ children and they in turn pray for mine,” explains Bergovoy. The combination of practical networking and spiritual offerings seems to be working. At least 40 couples have met and married through the group’s efforts.

Zack and Rachel are one such couple. Within minutes after presenting her daughter Rachel’s profile on a June teleconference, Dvora received a message that a matchmaker in Montreal had the perfect match. A flood of phone calls and emails crisscrossed the country before the two 20-somethings met. Engaged less than three months later, they are now planning their wedding.

The resurgence of the modern matchmaker is not only a Jewish phenomenon. Until recently adults were delaying serious commitment, hoping first to win that elusive promotion. But with the current economic situation, many have turned their search away from making partner to looking for a life partner. A recent New York Times article highlighting this trend reasoned that misfortune creates a need for comfort and company. Matchmaking sites and local matchmakers have seen a huge spike in business: the newly unemployed have more time to devote to their personal lives. People feeling the financial crunch are finding that arranged dates are also less expensive than costly blind dates.

Though our global community is no Anatevka, more than 100 years later it’s clear Yenta was on to something